With hallway sweeps being introduced in an attempt to reduce the number of tardies, students are having to get creative in order to skip class. For those on the run from the administration, the nearby Guatemalan Consulate serves as a convenient safe haven.

“They are always talking about ‘diplomatic immunity,’ whatever that means,” said Leah Zhi (‘22). “I don’t really care, as long as that means that I won’t get written up.”

Luckily for students looking to play hooky, the Consulate has been amicable for stragglers looking for security.

“¿Quién es usted? No puedes estar aquí. ¡Salir!” said one of the employees.

Would-be late students recount many stories of narrowly avoiding capture by ducking into the sovereign grounds of Guatemala.

“I never thought I would be an international fugitive,” said Krimin Nal (‘25). “But here I am, like Jason Bourne or something.”

Some have made a trip out of it, enjoying the exotic and foreign surroundings.

“It’s like a vacation,” said Kay Oz (‘23). “Except instead of the beach it’s a parking lot and instead of Cancun it’s the Guatemalan Consulate.”

The administration has been hard-pressed to find a solution.

“The extradition process is incredibly complicated,” said Pruh Feshnol, who works on the school board. “The State Department hasn’t been very cooperative, I must admit.”

Secretary of State Antony Blinken has enough on his plate as it is, what with Russia and all.

“What?” said Blinken in a press conference Tuesday when questioned about the issue.

One suggestion by those on the school board is to launch a coup in the territory and establish a regime more friendly to the school.

“Unfortunately, the school military budget has been severely hampered by the fact that there isn’t one,” said Assistant Principal Keisha Beef. “We simply don’t have the manpower to conduct such an operation.”

Volunteer forces have stepped up to the plate, but it is too early to see whether anything will come of it.

“Send me in there,” said district worker Bert L’Awnchair simply.

If the school does finally come to a conclusion on the issue, students have a plan.

“I imagine that we’ll just walk on down to Cuba,” said Nal. “Watch them try and get us back from there!”