Chamblee High School faces a very real and pressing problem. And no, it’s not the obscenely high meth usage numbers or even the industrial oil drilling on the practice field. The school lacks classroom space, with several language classes currently being housed in trailers next to the baseball field. The trailers, in addition to quite literally falling apart, are incredibly inconvenient for students and teachers alike. Thus, the administration has come up with an ingenious solution: move the German classes to the catacombs.
“It just seemed like a no-brainer,” said Assistant Principal Keisha Beef. “We don’t have room for the classes anywhere else, and the tunnels below the school are easily accessible for students trying to get to class. Plus, they have an exceptional learning environment.”
After climbing down a 20-foot ladder, German students will be greeted by wide, airy tunnels lined with the skulls of previous Chamblee attendees.
“I really like the atmosphere,” says Jerm An (‘24). “I feel like it is really authentic to the European culture that we are learning about.”
Other students disagree.
“What the heck!?” said Shah Ked (‘22) as a skull rolled off the wall onto her copy of “Kinder- und Hausmärchen” by the Grimm Brothers. Even the teachers agree: the tunnels were the way to go.
“In the trailers, the air conditioning never worked,” said Herr Leichenburg. “Here, the paranormal activity keeps the temperature at a freaky 68 degrees.”
The local residents of the catacombs have been accommodating of the new arrangement.
“When I went to school here, we didn’t have this issue,” said Goah Stevens (‘31). “But then again, the school was mainly just about yam farming then.”
In addition to their studies, many German students have taken it upon themselves to explore the vast network of tunnels.
“Typically, they are so excited that they don’t come back for several days,” said Leichenburg. “Teenagers, am I right?”
One of the explorers greatly increased their German proficiency on their journey.
“Welcher Jahr ist es?” said Kray Zeed (’31) “Meine Yamswurvel-Hausaufgaben ist morgan faellig.”
Undoubtedly, this was the best move for the school. With this grand success, the administration is looking into similar solutions for the Spanish department. The bottomless pit looks promising.