From December 2009:
Ronald Quashie, a member of the Chamblee High School class of 2008, was found dead in his dorm room at Mercer University in Atlanta late at night on Tuesday, November 17. By 12:55 that morning, there was already a public group on popular networking site Facebook dedicated to him. By the following night, over 200 comments had been left in memory of him.
Created by two of his best friends since elementary school, Troy Harris and Sam Floyd, R.I.P. Ronald Quashie was designed to honor his memory and distribute information about his death and subsequent memorial.
The group’s description urged members to leave “good words and lasting memories” for Quashie. Perhaps the most important function of this group was the fact that it allowed his friends and family a forum in which they could share memories, thoughts, and good wishes.
“The group was to try and get everybody easy access to everything that was going on,” said Harris, also a member of the Chamblee class of 2008. “It was a way to unite everyone in a trendy way.”
Two weeks after Quashie’s death, the group had over 1,140 members and has had hundreds of wall posts left by friends, family, and even former teachers of Quashie’s. Reading the comments, which vary from light-hearted testaments of love to gut-wrenching displays of raw emotion, one cannot help but notice just how many people Quashie touched over his lifetime.
“Your teachers from Kittredge shared memories of you today,” commented Laura Neely, a teacher at Kittredge Magnet School. “Everyone smiled and laughed thinking of you. We are holding your family and so many friends in prayer.”
Not only did they share memories in person, but many of his teachers – Lane Doss, Jennifer Lockett-Joiner, and Jeffrey Wiggins – were as active on the Facebook group as his peers. It can be hard to remember a time before social networking sites made mourning a very public process; this relatively new phenomenon has spread as rapidly as the networking sites themselves.
Just typing the phrase “R.I.P.” in a Facebook search yields over 500 pages of results. The groups are dedicated to close friends, to family, to celebrities – such as Heath Ledger, Michael Jackson, Steve Irwin and Bernie Mac – in fact, there seems to be little limit to what people Facebook users choose to commemorate.
Memorial groups can even be found far beyond the realm of social networking sites, as is illustrated in the case of Ronald Quashie. In addition to the Facebook group, there is a public comments section in the online story run by Fox 24 News, and the Atlanta Journal Constitution has an online guest book available to sign (visit www.legacy.com to view the guestbook and leave memories and condolences). Why is it so compelling to mourn in such a public venue?
Convenience is certainly a factor. Facebook groups offer the “administrator” or creator the ability to post information about the group and pertinent events, determine who is able to access the information (groups can be set to public, invite only, and secret), and the administrator can also send messages to all of the group members at once. Harris used these features to post articles relating to Quashie’s death, give the details about his memorial service, and inform the members of the group when the venue of said service was changed.
“Facebook was definitely the reason everything was so easy,” said Harris. “It’s really the most accessible tool to use nowadays.”
These groups also represent a form of catharsis for friends and family of the deceased. Mourning is usually considered a private process, but the opportunity to share one’s memories, regrets, and sorrows is indispensable.
“You were among the first and greatest friendships I’ve had enter my life,” said Corey Miller, a friend of Quashie.
Equally important is the chance to read what others have written, which can serve as an effective support system. Life is Great: In Memory of Kathryn Kennedy Cox was created nearly four years ago after Cox’s untimely death of the Chamblee student in a car accident. The wall is still active, with friends and family regularly leaving thoughts and prayers for Cox.
“Hey Kat. It’s been pretty rough down here lately… could really use your sunshine right about now,” wrote Samantha Glover, a close friend of Cox, recently. “Halloween is right around the corner though, so I know I’ll be able to feel you soon. Love you always.”
Cox’s father, Bill Cox, especially has embraced the group; he is among the most active members of the group. By leaving posts ranging from weighty ruminations to everyday observations, Cox uses the memorial group as a way to share day-to-day life with his daughter in a way he would otherwise be unable to do.
“Thanks for your help, you know, with the thing at the place,” wrote Cox. “I heard you say, ‘it’ll be ok, just keep going.’ It helped. Turned my worry into a silly chuckle. I miss you every day. L, Dad.”
Whether primarily created for convenience or catharsis, these groups are still on the rise and seem to be here to stay.