You know you’re ‘old school’ when you consider talking on the CB Radio entertainment.
“This is Black Kow, Black Kow, does anybody read me, over?”
“Ten-four, this is Jerry Bojangles, over. Man, that Whattaburger was great.”
“Maybe next time you should try the Whattachicken or Whattafish. Great for the ol’ plumbing system. This is Black Kow, over and out.”
I spent many summer afternoons with my friend perusing the frequencies for interesting and sometimes creepy, tractor-trailer drivers who had nothing else to do but relay their sexual exploits to an interested adolescent. Lucky for me, they had no idea I was a teenager–to them, I was only “Black Kow.” Black Kow: The Mature Manure.™
You could say I was a little bored that summer. It vexed me, however, that a large metropolis like Atlanta could have so little to offer in the way of original entertainment. I always imagined the city as an inexhaustible source of fun and games.
My questions were answered, however, after a recent trip to Chicago. There I discovered double-decker trains, the Blue Man Group, discotheques, and a plastic-sheen suburban downtown filled with movie theaters, outdoor shops, and more plenty to satisfy a teenager’s appetite for a boredom cure.
When you look at the problem a little more closely, there are plenty of reasons for Atlanta’s stagnant culture.
First of all, many Southerners still have that old, fiery Republican blood running through their veins. In other words, these individuals are content with keeping the city the way it is–for example some speculate that Westminster serves as an “aristocratic feeder school” for conservatives who want to keep political and economic influence within the city.
In addition, since the city is so spread out, many Atlantans still find time to head up to the woods, and by woods I mean Alpharetta, to go huntin’ or fishin’ with Jim Bob. Some even decide to raise a barn or two.
Atlanta also has the misfortune of being the oasis of civilization in the Southeast. Drive for hundreds of miles in any direction and you might not encounter a single sign of intelligent life until you hit Knoxville or Jacksonville. Wait a minute, I shouldn’t count Floridians as intelligent life. They are, in fact, the most dangerous people on the planet–especially lethal in a Buick.
The one thing Atlanta has going for it at the moment, culturally speaking, is the increase in foreign and local immigration, This growth has given us ethnically diverse areas, including near Buford Highway, a commercial highway packed with unique restaurants, karaoke bars, the Plaza Fiesta and huge, multipurpose-bowling arcades.
What Atlanta really needs, though, to become a legitimate American metropolis, is European influence. The art scene around the city is small-scale.
Fans of electronic music, myself included, do not have a significant DJ community to explore new kinds of music, and there are no clubs to attract big name DJs like San Francisco regular Sasha and Paul Van Dyk. Tastes among the fashionable youth have recently become stale.
Atlanta sometimes isn’t easy on the eyes, either. Many buildings are either run down or too cookie-cutter and this gives the city a monotonous and unfashionable appearance. The skyline is devoid of any significant features or bright lights.
In retrospect, I realize now that I am very lucky to go to Chamblee. Students are raised in a liberal and abstract environment and realize that the same-old same-old just isn’t any fun anymore.
Really, it’s okay if you don’t want to let go of your Confederate flag hat and your shotgun. But for the rest of us, I think it’s time to move on.