Looking into the next chapter of my life is scarier than I could ever imagine

Sometimes talking to people is the hardest thing to do. When you make big decisions in your life you don’t know who to tell. Will they judge you, envy you, or even agree? Taking big steps is hard, and I haven’t even gotten to the college application process. Each little thing we do in life adds up and either helps or harms us, but the biggest decisions we make in our life, carve a path and make our life ahead for our present and future. 

I have told maybe around ten people about what I plan to do next year and obviously if this gets published a few more that may read this article, but when I started planning that I wouldn’t be going to Chamblee High School for my junior year and instead I would be doing foreign exchange in Germany, I never thought that I myself would have so many mixed feelings about it.

Like most things there are many highs and lows of emotions when it comes to figuring anything out. When I learned in December that I would be going to Germany for my junior year of high school, I hit a high of happiness, but then I started talking to people about it and telling people and it went downhill from there. Now don’t get me wrong, I am over the moon to be given the opportunity to study abroad in Germany and am so thankful that Rotary Youth Exchange chose me to be an ambassador for them.

My first low of emotions hit me around the holiday time, when I realized that I would have to put two holiday seasons into one. Next year I will be staying with a host family without seeing any family or friends for over 10 months. The recommended time to contact home is twice a month on an irregular basis to complete a full immersion. All of these rules and regulations make sense, and I will be following them, but that doesn’t mean they don’t come with a mix of bad emotions.

I’m going to miss my junior year of playing softball, homecoming, my junior prom, seeing friends graduate from high school and so much more. I’ve talked about this with maybe three people at most and that when it hits me that the people who care the most in your life will be there through all the little choices, but they will also be there for the major decisions and will support them full-heartedly without any second thought to it. 

Within this I went on a very long walk with a good friend recently and we got onto the topic of people talking about big decisions, and she said that no matter what those who tried and wanted to be in my life and those who I wanted in my life would stay no matter how much they change and no matter how much I change. 

But back on topic, people face hard decisions every day. Every single one of us faces a fork in our road throughout our daily lives, and they change our life forever no matter how small. Not even at a fate level your choices in life change how you will live the rest of it. 

I know I had a hard time dealing with my overwhelmingly negative emotions about something that should’ve been so positive. Why don’t people reach out to each other more, and tell each other how they’re doing, or share thoughts, or even say hello. Do people face the fear of rejection so overwhelmingly that they won’t even try and do something that could help them or another person.