Oranges
If someone were to challenge me to replicate the taste of an orange, I would find an acid capable of dissolving human organs, and I would win. Even after the effort it takes to peel an orange, you are still left with the stringy white pieces and a mediocre taste at best. The aftertaste of an orange along with mushy peel leftovers under your nails stick with you for hours after you eat the fruit. Not to mention, the smell of oranges is putrid, especially since scrubbing your arm off will not rid you of the aroma. I will never understand the debate between apples and oranges, including their juices. It is the same as comparing chocolate ice cream to anchovies. Speaking of chocolate, pairing it with orange genuinely upsets me.
Dark Chocolate
The purpose of chocolate is to melt into a sweet taste in your mouth. It is not meant to be a bar of bitterness. I hate when people defend it by pointing out that dark chocolate is healthier than milk chocolate. Vegetables are healthier than both? Go eat broccoli instead of citing dark chocolate’s health benefits to me. Those who eat a large quantity of dark chocolate at a time actually impress me. How can you stand a taste that gets worse and worse with each bite? It is remarkable. These are likely the people who enjoy plain black coffee. The higher the percentage of chocolate, the higher the probability of me declining to partake in the consumption of such culinary despair.
Goldfish
You eat a goldfish. It is dry. You eat another one in hopes that it will satisfy your craving for the right cheese flavor. It does not. Goldfish look appealing with those little smiles on their faces, but the texture just disappoints you by mushing in your mouth and getting stuck between your teeth. If I took a nasty garlic knot and baked it in cheddar cheese, I would have a Goldfish. They also have to be the most inconsistent snack because some bags are relatively bland, while others are suddenly a salty cheese. If you love Goldfish, please go eat a delicious Cheez-it and learn who the true ruler of the cheesy flavor is.
Hot Dogs
When I pass by a hot dog stand, I can almost smell the nitrates and chemicals within the semi-edible experiment. The texture, the flavor, and the unknown ingredients will never be appealing to me. Hot dogs taste artificial with a hint of what might be blood. The spongy consistency does not pair well with the unnatural color. Foods are supposed to look appetizing, but just looking at a hot dog makes my stomach hurt. If you love hot dogs and eat them regularly, please watch this video for your own sake.
Lofthouse Frosted Sugar Cookies
Why are these cookies so unbelievably loved? Eating spoons of sugar would give you the same taste for a cheaper price. I am no sugar scrooge, but these cookies genuinely do not have any other flavor but “sweet.” Sweet is the only way I can think to describe them because that is all they are. I bought a box of these cookies for my friend’s party, and she ended up eating four out of six of them. I do not understand how she did not die.
