I’ve been doing musical theater ever since I was in the first grade, and I will admit that it has given me a large amount of stress throughout the years. I have always defined myself as a perfectionist when it comes to my hobbies, as I have a strong desire to be the best at whatever I do; however, this attitude has decreased the amount of joy that I find in things that are meant to be fun.

To give some context, I should tell you a little bit about my theatrical background. I started out having a fabulous time, caring about being liked by my teachers, but not letting anything stress me out. I used to perform entire musicals using my Barbies in my bedroom. So, of course, I knew every line in the show and every word to every song, but not because I worried I would need to, because I thought it was so much fun. As I got older, I gained a reputation for being a performer who knew everything in the show backward and forwards. This reputation began to become harder and harder to live up to.

After five years with this theater group, I moved on to a new performance theater group, one that heavily stressed professionalism and focus. The directors constantly told us that we were always being observed. It was terrifying to imagine my directors examining my every move. They even told me constantly that I was a topic of their private discussion, which proved to be incredibly anxiety-inducing. I left this company due to my anxiety about what people thought of me.

I am now participating in high school theater. The nine years that I’ve spent performing have slowly become more anxiety-filled and a lot less fun. I found myself panicking before and after performances, making myself ask whether or not it was worth it to continue. It wasn’t until I resolved that theater wasn’t my career path of choice and that it was indeed a hobby that I began to enjoy it more. In addition, I resolved that not having fun would be a failure on my part, as the task at hand was to enjoy myself. Changing my goals from being perfect and adored to merely treating my hobby like a hobby has completely altered my mindset and level of enjoyment.

For instance, I decided to not strive for perfection in my performance in Chicago: Teen Edition. Though I wasn’t as practiced as I normally would be in a show, I made my goal of the show to merely be entertaining to the audience. No, my voice wasn’t Broadway-worthy or without any faults, but boy did I feel good when the audience laughed at the way I delivered my lines. And the reason that they laughed was purely because I resolved to have so much fun.