There have been many instances in which I have been shamed and made to feel idiotic for my opinions and feelings. In many more circumstances, I have kept my mouth shut to avoid being ridiculed, even when I feel strongly or would like to have an honest conversation over a controversial issue. In the current political climate, anyone who has different opinions than the majority is made to feel morally incorrect and embarrassed without even being questioned on where they are coming from. In my opinion, this creates a culture that cannot learn from its mistakes and be open to the influence and perspectives of others. Open-minded debate can allow us to have more intelligent and productive conversations and provide respect to those who do not think like us.

I personally have felt excluded in daily conversation by the fact that I myself am not a Democrat, nor a Republican. I do not agree with some policies from either side and prefer not to place myself in either box, rather identifying myself as an independent. Not having complete liberal social ideologies has made me nervous to ever speak up in political conversations (or write my personal opinions online for anyone to read–sorry not sorry). In fact, on multiple occasions, I have woken up with nightmares of being ridiculed for my political views, furthering my fear of speaking up.

I wish that I could have honest debates with my peers without leaving feeling less connected and understood than when I started. In my opinion, the purpose of debate is to compare your opinions with others, to further your understanding, and possibly come to a resolution. To achieve such a discussion, one must have an open-minded approach.

An article on Psychology Today provides four useful steps to have a successful, open-minded debate. I combined and revised these steps into my own recipe for good debate.

• Establish your common humanity.

No matter what someone’s opinion is, it is just that: an opinion. We are all entitled to our freedom of thought and expression, a mark of our common humanity. Respecting our differences means recognizing the individuality of others, a concept that should be celebrated, rather than approached with anger. 

• Ask about their experience on the topic.

Oftentimes, a person arrives at their beliefs from personal experience, an aspect I have rarely been asked about in debate or discourse. Asking others what values, childhood experiences, and ideals have led them to believe differently than you allows for a greater understanding and a more interesting conversation.

• Acknowledge that either of your opinions may change as a result of debate.

Sometimes, in debate, it seems like backing down on an opinion will seem weak; however, acknowledging and understanding that either you or your opinion is allowed to change is important to having a successful conversation. Saying things like, “I’ve never thought about it that way before,” shows that you are open to understanding their point of view and taking their opinions into account.

• Focus on your goal.

What does winning a debate mean to you? Does it mean stomping on the opinions of others, appearing morally and intellectually superior? Or does it mean having an interesting conversation and further understanding others? The former allows a short-term personal victory while the latter furthers your level of respectability and conversational credibility, as well as provides you with closer relationships and friendly interactions. It is the debater’s choice what goal they strive to achieve.

My ask is not for anyone to conform to my personal opinions. In fact, I find it fascinating the way that others think and where their beliefs resonate from. Rather, I wish that in debate, people would focus on learning rather than winning, understanding rather than educating, and listening rather than stifling. This is not a one-sided ask, as I believe that it should be a mission of everyone, myself included, to be more understanding and willing to grow.