Your 2022 Finals Week Horoscope


What you’ll probably feel like during finals week, no matter what your star sign is.

Emmy Williams, Editor

Aries: The stars and I are sad to warn you that your finals week will be full of little frustrations, like your teachers taking slightly too long to respond to emails, your laptop fan being ridiculously loud all of a sudden, and bad drivers in the main CHS parking lot. You’ll be fine, though. Maybe.

Taurus: If your annual pre-finals week nervous breakdown hasn’t already begun, it is coming within the next 48 hours. Prepare accordingly and warn your family not to ask you about your exams, grades, or the fact that your eye hasn’t stopped twitching since December began.

Gemini: You have a rather unfortunate habit of gossiping when stressed. Even the stars won’t be able to convince you to stop this, so the only advice I can give you is to stop name-dropping and start using code names. Chamblee’s halls are smaller than you think.

Cancer: I foresee that you will spend the entirety of this week trying not to cry in public. These efforts are futile, Cancer. Let yourself have a morning breakdown in the middle of Chamblee Plaza while you shiver in the frigid cold waiting to enter school.

Leo: Yes, indeed, delusion is often considered a form of manifestation. However, this week, you should cut back on the self-deception and actually study for your exams.

Virgo: I regret to inform you that burnout is likely on the horizon for you, but fear not! In times like these of great stress and mental exhaustion, remember that once this week is over, you will be able to celebrate the holidays by sleeping in for half (or all of) the day.

Libra: Subdue the urge to sabotage all of your academic competitors. Seriously, put the hammer down and step away from your nemesis’ laptop.

Scorpio: Feeling stressed about exams? Try clearing your head by taking your frustration out on everyone around you! Plus, you can almost always repair a relationship, but you’ll never be able to improve your GPA if you bomb your finals.

Sagittarius: Do you ever stop working? I’m honestly impressed with you, and the stars are, too. Don’t let this stressful week halt your momentum. You can do this!

Capricorn: Study for your exams with friends. If you’re going to be miserable (and you are), it’s better to share that experience with your closest friends. Maybe it’ll strengthen your friendships!

Aquarius: Halfway through the week, you will encounter a roadblock in your quest for a better GPA. It may come in the form of a catastrophic grade in Infinite Campus or a talking squirrel. Act accordingly.

Pisces: This week, you may be significantly more drowsy than usual. To combat this, try to get more sleep than you usually get. Who knows? Maybe the answers to your English final will come to you in a dream.