What Not to Say to a Lefty

Sophie Maxwell, Staff writer

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For some reason, when people notice that someone is left-handed, they feel the need to point it out. Why they do this, I cannot explain. It’s not like the person doesn’t already realize what hand they write with. But since this happens fairly regularly with no end in sight, here are some rules on what not to say when you see a lefty:

1. Are you a lefty?

Really? You know the answer to that, unless you think I write with my left hand flawlessly, but I’m secretly a right-handed spy who doesn’t want to be found out. (And if you actually think this, we’ve got some other problems we need to work out.) Of course I’m a lefty! When you see someone writing with their left hand, odds are they’re a lefty.* I mean, c’mon. No one asks if you’re a righty, so why would they ask when you’re a lefty.

*I will admit, there is a kid in one of my classes who is a righty but believes he can write perfectly fine with his left hand. He takes his notes this way, and I don’t have the heart to tell him that when it takes 10 seconds to write down a three-letter word, you probably shouldn’t be doing that.

2. How do you write like that?

What kind of question is that?! Seeing as most of the time, after saying this, said person promptly begins to try to write with their left hand, they already know the answer. I mean, how do you expect me to explain to you why I write with my left hand and you don’t? It’s just genetics. Ask Ms. Begum if you’re so curious.

3. Did you know that ‘so and so’ is also a lefty?

Odds are, yes I do. Most likely because 50 people have already told me this. I don’t understand why people feel the need to tell me this. My life is not going to change now that I know some random dude in another grade writes with the same hand as me. There may not be that many lefties, but there’s enough that it’s not a big deal when you know someone else.

4. My grandma/uncle/cousin/great-aunt is a lefty!

Cool! Remind me, again, why I care. Oh wait — I don’t. This is even stupider than number three. At least in that one, I knew who the person was. I have never met your grandmother, nor will I ever meet your grandmother, and I most definitely do not need to know that we share a gene with each other.

5. There’s no such thing as lefty scissors!

Believe it or not, this has been said to me multiple times. I would understand someone saying this, because even I didn’t know they existed until maybe first grade, except for the fact that I have JUST told the person that they are a thing. It’s not my fault I can’t use the scissors you’ve just given me. I don’t really understand why this is the case either. Something about the angle of the holes you put your hands through. I just know that they are uncomfortable and impossible to use, so excuse me for asking the teacher if they have any more scissors, so that I can do my work in peace.

Next time you see a lefty, consider these simple rules I just gave you. It’s really not that hard. I believe in you.