As we all know, the Food and Nutrition teacher, Ms. Pirouette, quit last year for unknown reasons. Many students were eager to meet the new teacher, but as the school year started, students noticed that she was quite peculiar. Laura Elvira, the new Food and Nutrition teacher, had a lot of quirks. She blocked off any sunlight in her room, made it clear that no garlic was to be used in her class, and for the icebreaker questions she only asked one: “What is your blood type?”
As the school year progressed, Elvira refused to go outside. During fire drills, she would walk her students to the door but not walk outside. No one has seen her leave the school. In fact, some students report that there is a weird coffin-shaped box in her room.
“One time I went to visit Ms. Elvira after school as I had some questions, and I saw her entering the coffin box. When she noticed me, she pretended as if it was completely normal. It was really strange,” said Emily Nibbler (‘25), one of Elvira’s students.
Students suspect that she stays at school and sleeps in her coffin box. Many also comment on her strange appearance. Some state that she is very pale, others think her fully black eyes are rather frightening. Her interesting choices of clothing and accessories are also commented on.
“I dislike her wardrobe. It looks like some goth threw up in her closet,” said Siouxsie Love (‘27), one of Elvira’s students.
She appears to mainly wear long black gowns and flowy clothing. She looks as if she floats around wherever she goes. Students think that her skin color is disturbing as well.
“The color of her skin is like, really pale. I don’t like it. She looks like a ghost,” said Eugene Greenwald (‘25), one of Elvira’s students.
Students have gone on to say that her skin is so pale that you can see her veins. However, it looks like there’s barely any blood flowing through them. Many point out that she is very secretive when she drinks her beverage, which she is always holding.
“I was curious to know what she was drinking as she’s always holding a mug, but when I asked her she seemed very defensive in her answer. She said something along the lines of it being water with Kool-Aid mixed it in, but the drink itself was a very thick blood red. I’m assuming that she just puts a lot of powder in to make it that consistency. I dunno,” said Devan Jacobs (‘28), one of Elvira’s students.
While Elvira may just really like Kool-Aid, some suspect that it is actually blood. No one has been allowed near her mug, and she acts like she is almost guarding it sometimes.
Overall, with all of this overwhelming evidence, it is safe to assume that our new Food and Nutrition teacher is in fact a vampire. Her interesting appearance, weird mannerisms, and suspicious drink all appear to be traits of vampires. It would also explain the 13 missing students who all happened to have her class.
