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The Blue & Gold

The official newspaper of Chamblee High School, preserving the past for the future today!

The official newspaper of Chamblee High School, preserving the past for the future today!

The Blue & Gold

The official newspaper of Chamblee High School, preserving the past for the future today!

The Blue & Gold

Junior Boys Go On Quest for Rizz: They Can’t Find It

Some+junior+boys+pictured+crossing+a+mountain+path+to+find+the+rizz.%0APhoto+Courtesy+of+Finley+Malone
Some junior boys pictured crossing a mountain path to find the rizz. Photo Courtesy of Finley Malone

It is clear to many of the girls at Chamblee that the male students are severely lacking in rizz. 

“A guy moonwalked by me the other day, thinking that it would make me go out with him. I told him to get off of BitLife,” said Michelle Johnson.

Numerous girls have reported this lack of rizz, saying that it’s only getting worse.

“This doofus Relie Yitchy said ‘Where’s my hug at?’ to me. I got an ick so big that if it lost power, it would bring down the Golden Gate Bridge,” said Emily Melon-Brock.

Even nerds are getting in on the rizz fest.

“When I heard that ‘rizz’ was the word of the year, I thought, this is my chance. It is time to unleash the rizz,” said Anur Deboy.

The boys are dedicated to finding at least an ounce of rizz. 

“We pledge to search far and wide, and to not stop until we find the rizz. I will look under every pebble until I find it,” said Anthony Hill.

Juniors have resorted to bringing their search far and wide to accomplish their goal.

“I’m heading to the Amazon Rainforest. There are some rizzler macaws down there. Have you heard their bird call? Even I get tickled when I hear it. Plus, girls love handsome birds,” said Cawlan Squaky.

Others are splitting off to go to the land down under in search of some forbidden rizz.

“I think that Australia is where the rizz is at. I mean, have you seen the pouches on those kangaroos? They must be hiding a lot of rizz in there. Perchance,” said Adin Goatemy Baebbey.

The adventure will be treacherous and long, but the boys are prepared.

“Extracting the rizz is the hardest part of our journey. I brought my pliers and some duct tape. Hopefully, that will be enough supplies to get a full flask of rizz. I need all of the rizz I can get,” said Ihav Noeritz.

Some of the boys have role models for their rizz.

“I hope to be a totally changed human being when I come back. Own that unspoken rizz, like Pee-Wee Herman,” said Garth Peckinson.

No matter what, the girls are happy that the guys have gone on this journey. Chamblee High School has never been more in need of rizz.

“I hope they find the rizz,” said Melon-Brock, “If Relie Yitchey comes up to me again, I’m going to tell him that his hug is over the edge of the Grand Canyon. If I’m lucky enough, he’ll actually look there.”

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About the Contributor
Finley Malone
Finley Malone, Staff Writer
Finley Malone (‘26) is a sophomore and Staff Writer of the Blue and Gold. She hopes to be doing super cool college things with super cool college people in 5 years. Her three favorite things are Paint by Numbers, The Office, and her little angel of a cat, Pinkalicious.
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