Breaking News
  • May 20BLUE & GOLD DEFEATS CHAMHIAN, 6-3, IN ANNUAL KICKBALL GAME!

The Blue & Gold

The official newspaper of Chamblee High School, preserving the past for the future today!

The official newspaper of Chamblee High School, preserving the past for the future today!

The Blue & Gold

The official newspaper of Chamblee High School, preserving the past for the future today!

The Blue & Gold

Failing My Test Might Be the Best Thing I’ve Ever Done

A+picture+of+Infinite+Campus+showing+Unit+5+AP+Calculus+BC+test+results.+Photo+courtesy+of+Elijah+Ritchey+%2825%29.
A picture of Infinite Campus showing Unit 5 AP Calculus BC test results. Photo courtesy of Elijah Ritchey (’25).

I just failed my math test. On a scale of one to 10, my performance ranks a solid abysmal, but failing that test might just be the best thing I’ve ever done.

Look at it like this. Me failing my test puts me on my teacher’s radar. I’m now one of her “underdogs,” and who doesn’t love an underdog story? So when I figure out the integral parts of calculus, I’m golden. One glowing teacher recommendation secured. Then, all it takes is a few pushes of a button, and her tale of the prodigal student sends me straight to Harvard…actually Princeton, because I’ll pretty much be royalty at that point. After I get into Princeton, life is practically just kicks and giggles. I’ll even be knighted by the Queen. 

Why would they knight me you may ask? I mean, besides my good looks and unmatched charisma, it’s quite simple. By then, I’ll have won the Nobel prize, maybe six or seven times, because of my pure mathematical prowess. Once I’m done with the measly math digits, Euler and Newton will look like pinstripes on my fine cashmere suit. Then, the only math I’ll ever have to do again is counting my yachts in the Bahamas.

The rest of my life will be spent in perpetual relaxation. I’ll be rich. My friends will be rich, and the only problem I’ll have is telling Jimmy Kimmel and Fallon apart at my totally dope parties.

Then, I’ll settle down and start a family with my loaded wife. After a four-month honeymoon, we will have 12 brilliant kids that would never even dream of failing a math test. We will grow old together, happy together, and unhealthy together.

It really makes you pity those fools that passed the test. I wonder what will become of them? Perhaps they will go into journalism…disgusting. Well, it’s about time for my science test!

Leave a Comment
Donate to The Blue & Gold
$200
$500
Contributed
Our Goal

Your donation will support the student journalists of Chamblee High School Blue & Gold. Your contribution will allow us to print editions of our work and cover our annual website hosting costs.

More to Discover
About the Contributor
Elijah Ritchey
Elijah Ritchey, Staff Writer
Elijah Ritchey ('25) is a junior and a staff writer of the Blue & Gold. In five years, he hopes to be crazy rich- but don't we all? His three favorite things are the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Donate to The Blue & Gold
$200
$500
Contributed
Our Goal

Comments (0)

All The Blue & Gold Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *