Aries
The stars have informed me that, this week, your hidden volatile nature will reveal itself to others when a close friend of yours tells you to stop singing so loud all the time.
Taurus
A sudden realization about the meaning of life will unlock a buried childhood memory of your first haircut.
Gemini
New shoes, new clothes, new phone- the list goes on. Your holiday wishes are getting a little bit too unrealistic for your family and friends to keep up with. Maybe ask for a flying pig instead…
Cancer
Noticing strange patterns in your day-to-day life has “transformed” you from an average citizen to a self-proclaimed detective. Time to get on that first case, Sherlock! Where’s your math homework?
Leo
You’re taking “feral girl fall” way too seriously. Put your clothes back on and get out of the gutter.
Virgo
After receiving friendly accusations about some recent board game sneakiness, you will vow to improve your cheating skills tenfold.
Libra
Don’t feel guilty for over-indulging in holiday treats this week. You’re just rewarding yourself for being so motivated and successful in your mission to achieve a 20 hour daily screen time average!
Scorpio
Stop stressing about finals; it’s way too early, and you have better things to focus on anyway- like stressing about spending all of Thanksgiving week with your family.
Sagittarius
It is not too long before your actions this past month catch up to you. In the meantime, try meditation and adding more fiber to your diet.
Capricorn
Soon, your life will take an unexpected turn when a tragic accident renders you terrified of pumpkins for the rest of your life.
Aquarius
Lately, you’ve been putting extra effort into looking cooler at school. It’s not working. Be yourself; that’s much cooler than being anybody else, and it’s much more comfortable than wearing vinyl tights.
Pisces
Who cares if your crush doesn’t know you exist? You know they’re the love of your life, even if they don’t know it yet, and that’s what counts. Go ahead and buy yourself an engagement ring!
