Do you ever feel like scheduling time with friends is like planning a space mission? My friends and I have to schedule meetings to then schedule hang outs at said meetings because we’re all so busy. When you were a kid, you’d just bike to another kid’s house and knock on their door to see if they could play. Now, hang outs just feel complicated, but they don’t have to. When you’re fighting for your life just to get a reservation for brunch with the girls, it’s time to take a step back and realize why we actually hang out with people. The South has its flaws for sure, but two things we can learn from Southern culture are cornbread recipes and simple human connections.
Recently, my mom and I have been focusing on the idea of “visitin’” when we’re with family and friends, and the more I do it, the more I have come to realize that it’s the key to pure relationships. Think about your stereotypical Southern ladies day: board games, sitting in someone’s living room, sipping coffee, baking, and lots of chit-chatting. There’s no itinerary, no commitments, just simple quality time with good people. It’s the idea of living life together. It’s the art of visitin’.
I come from a Southern visitin’ family. Great uncle Chuck smokes his cigar on the back porch while he and the other men catch up. The women bake or snack on finger foods around the kitchen table or on the couch. My grandma’s talking about how she doesn’t know how to renew her Netflix subscription, and my aunt’s talking about the marathon she just ran in some foreign country. As a child, visitin’ with the family seemed boring. But the older I get, the more I realize just how important it is to spend time with people in this way. You’re not expecting anything from them; you’re simply accepting people for who they are and choosing to spend time being in company with them.
My favorite days with my friends are just one spent visitin’ too. One night at my best friend’s house, I got an updated tour of Legos her brothers had built, and I helped her sister fold the laundry. Another time, I showed up to help my best friend pack for a trip. I wasn’t going, but I was happy to help her plan outfits and just be in company with her. Our lowkey hangouts oftentimes look like her mom and I chatting over sweet tea at the kitchen table. Other times, it’s sitting on the couch watching a show when she gets her wisdom teeth out. When you’re with the people you love, it doesn’t have to be complicated because you know you’ll have a good time just because you’re with them. Nothing’s overengineered, no itineraries have to be followed, it’s just visitin’ and getting to live life together.
Visitin’ teaches us to slow down, to appreciate the people around us, and to listen to others’ stories. It’s hard to do in this busy world, which is why it’s an art. Visitin’ gives us pure connection without complication, and if you try it, it will transform the way you spend time with your loved ones.
